Annoying, Angering, and Scaring the Cullens
by The Real Blue Eyed Demon
Summary: 50 ways to annoy the Cullens.
1. Edward

Annoying, Angering, Scaring and Confusing the Cullens.

Chapter 1: Edward.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Summery: 50+ ways to annoy the Cullens.

This one is so over done, so I'll add my own to the pool. I'm open to suggestions people.

8888888888StupidXShinnyXVolvoXOwner88888888888

1. Tell Edward you need a week long break from him.

2. Tell Edward you need a week long break from him, in Mexico.

3. To meet some of Jaspers old friends.

4. Tell Edward your joining the army.

5. Tell Edward you want a pet wolf.

6. Get him a cat, name it Eddy.

7. Cry and accuse him of eating it when it goes missing.

8. Pay people to think disgusting thoughts.

9. Pay said people with the money you stole from his underwear drawer.

10. Put week old milk in his piano.

11. Blame it on the cat, cry if anything happens to it.

12. Ram the stupid, shinny Volvo.

13. Replace all his CD's with rap ones.

14. Refuse to be dazzled.

15. Scream and run away from him. When he looks at you hurt explain that there is a spider on his shirt.

16. Bring Jacob Black over for a slumber party.

17. Get blood transfusions.

18. Tell him your pregnant.

19. It's Jake's.

20. It's Tyler's.

21. It's Mike's.

22. It's his.

23. You were drunk and don't remember who the father was.

24. Play with pointy things.

25. Around Jasper.

26. Whine about Alaska being to dreary, suggest somewhere sunny and warm.

27. Get a cold, claim its his fault.

28. When he sings your lullaby sigh, look bored and turn the other way.

29. Tell him your not really 'in' to music.

30. Tell him Mike has a crush on him.

31. Make Alice have a false vision of you getting hurt, laugh at him when he panics.

32. Act like nothing happened.

33. Tell him his car got totaled ... Bella was driving.

34. Make his piano 'disappear.'

35. Cut off Bella's hair.

36. Change Bella.

37. Draw smiley faces on all his underwear except the really embarrassing ones Esme got him.

38. Pants him in the middle of lunch.

39. Show him the video of Bella getting attacked by James.

40. Laugh at him in the part where he cries over Bella.

41. Release the Edward Cullen Fan Group on him.

42. Make a werewolf cologne, spray his clothes with it.

43. Spray Bella with it.

44. Fake Bella's death.

45. Book all planes to Italy.

46. Put mountain lions on the endangered species list.

47. Introduce poison ivy and thistles into the meadow.

48. Loosen the legs on Edward's bed.

49. Have everyone in the school dare him to eat his entire lunch.

50. Give him the 'Talk.'

I glared at my siblings and parents as I tacked the paper onto the fridge. Bella was turning a purple color as she tried to hold in the laughter. I still could not believe Alice had hired an actor to pretend to be Bella while Emmett cut her hair off.

"This is what you are to NEVER do again. is that clear Emmett?" Emmett's face split into a grin as he nodded. I glanced over at Bella who was now leaning against Alice for support. Alice was smiling from ear to ear, she was up to something.

Jasper and Carlisle had calm expressions but they were on the edge of grinning. I wanted to smash Carlisle's face in for pretending to change Bella.

"If you have any questions about our little conversation you can always talk to me Edward." Rosalie let out a snort as she held onto a struggling cat, it was trying vainly to scratch her.

Esme was in the kitchen refusing to speak to any of us, she had barricaded herself in there after I had gone on my rampage. She was in on it somehow, she had to be.

Its was time for a little pay back.

8888888888StupidXShinnyXVolvoXOwner88888888888

If you would like to add any to this just REVIEW, ok.  
So, who's next? 


	2. Jacob

Jacob.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

Sorry guys I knew you wanted someone else but I completed this one before the others.

888888888888BellaXEdward888888888888

1. Tell him Bella is a vampire.

2. Call him the abominable stench.

3. Make fun of his car.

4. Have Rosalie make 'repairs' to his car.

5. Crash his motorcycle.

6. Steal the sock he stole from Bella, you know the one he sniffs every night before going to sleep.

7. Tell him that he cant imprint on Bella because he's gay.

8. Tell him Bella feel in love with Quill.

9. Ask him if he's rolled in anything interesting lately.

10. Ask him how his flea problem's coming along.

11. Ask about the worm problem.

12. Show Charlie his secret collection of Bella changing photos.

13. Lock him in a room with Charlie and a gun afterwards.

14. Record his explanation of why he wont die from gunshot wounds.

15. Steal his pet hamster.

16. Record him crying and play it at his school.

17. Laugh at his pain.

18. When Bella goes to visit him give her an ammunition belt with silver bullets, make sure he sees them.

19. Make a vampire scented perfume and spray it in strategic locations ... Under the floorboards, the ceiling, on Billy and Charlie, on Bella's motorcycle...

20. Offer him some grass to eat.

21. Buy him a cat.

22. Name it Eddy.

23. Cry if he doesn't like the name.

24. Scold him with a rolled up newspaper in public.

25. Tell him to stay off the furniture.

26. Buy everyone but him chocolate, when he looks hurt remind him that its poisonous to him.

27. Buy him a squeaky toy.

28. Act hurt if he doesn't play with it.

29. Walk into a room and ask loudly why it smells like wet dog.

30. Steal his pants.

31. Mark all the full moons on his calendar with highlighter, remind him everyday that its getting closer.

32. Ask him how regular he is.

33. Tell him how much of a 'real man' Edward is.

34. Complain about the heat, constantly.

35. Get a fever, blame him.

36. Tell him to sic Mike Newton.

37. Tell him he got Bella pregnant.

38. Tell him he also got Alice pregnant.

39. When he ask how this is possible stare at him and say, 'Don't you remember that party at ALL?'

40. Wait until he transforms then draw him into a conversation.

41. Look hurt when he doesn't answer you.

42. Remind him how nice it was when everyone was still human.

43. Make him fetch things.

44. Ask him witch kennel he prefers.

45. Ask him why he's so emo.

46. Burn his driftwood tree.

47. Tell him the Volturi are coming.

48. Tell him the real reason Bella has to be changed.

49. Make him watch a wolf documentary with you, point out embarrassing things.

50. Tell him how lousy his kisses are.

888888888888BellaXEdward888888888888

I sat stunned on the edge of my bed holding the letter in my hand. Tears clouded my gaze as I thought back on the horrible things that had happened to me this week. How could Bella treat me this way?

I stroked the place were Bella's sock used to lie and choked, those vampires were cruel. They would pay. 


	3. Carlisle

**Carlisle:**

* * *

1. Burn his library.

2. Call Aro and tell him Carlisle doesn't think the long distance friendship is working out.

3. Get him fired from the hospital.

4. Pop his waterbed.

5. Break Esme's stripper pole.

6. Steal his fuzzy bondage kit.

7. Get red contacts for all his children and tell him: 'We've decided to change our feeding habits You still love us right?'

8. Dye his skin purple.

9. Very obviously avoid the subject, and when he gets mad tell him your fine with his life choice and your here to be supportive.

10. Surprise him at work with a party and a birthday cake, with all three-hundred something candles.

11. Make him eat it.

12. And drink the punch.

13. Make him play with party favors.

14. Steal Esme from him.

15. Ask him to join the 'Dark Side.'

16. Cry when he refuses you and your cookies.

17. Sign him up for therapy.

18. Sign him up for the Christmas party at the hospital.

19. Laugh at his swim trunks.

20. Have Bella fake a punctured lung, then break the heart monitor so it says she died.

21. Make him tell Edward.

22. Laugh at him while he chaces you around the yard when he finds out it was a joke.

23. Laugh at him when he trips over the cat.

24. Say that the pack refuses to honor the treaty anymore.

25. Refuse to pack and leave, offer a fight.

26. Go joy riding.

27. Go joy riding in his Mercedes.

28. Wait until a busy day at the hospital than run up to him and shake his shoulders while shouting: "Just don't panic man, we'll get through this!"

29. Record his explanation to his coworkers for your performance.

30. Cadavers, Bella and Emmett do not mix. I don't care who tells you otherwise.

31. Change the keycode on the library door.

32. Make him listen to Emmett's shower singing.

33. Steal all his medical degrees.

34. Replace them with degree's from a clown collage.

35. Have Esme tell him she wants a baby.

36. Record that explanation too, edit it, and play it in front of his coworkers.

37. Buy him some Viagra, make sure he gets it at work.

38. Leave adoption papers on his desk.

39. Go James Bond at his office party.

40. When he finally cracks from the stress get it on camera.

41. When he relocates to the new hospital play the recording for his new bosses and point out the do's and don'ts for their new doctor.

42. Paint his room purple and pink.

43. Have Alice rearrange his closet.

44. Take him shopping with the girls, include Victoria's Secret.

45. If he complains tell him that you'll tell Esme the '_secret_.'

46. Use the 'secret' excuse on him until he finds out that there is no '_secret_.'

47. Don't hold still when he takes aim.

48. When you wreck Esme's kitchen blame it on him.

49. Flee to another state when he comes looking for you.

50. Be Emmett Cullen.

--

We ducked into the Quick Trip as the Mercedes drove past. We were somewhere in Kansas I think but Edward had quit telling me where we were headed a while ago. I don't think he wanted my bad luck to wear off on him.

"Have you ever seen him so angry?" Alice's voice was shaking slightly from fear as the Mercedes circled past the gas station again. Edward and Emmett shook their heads.

"Maybe he'll grant us some mercy from the whole 'saving him from giving the cat a bath' thing." Edward looked skeptically at him and Emmett sighed. there was silence for a few minutes before Rosalie burst in the back door. Hurricanes had nothing on her when she was scared, she whirled around the room grabbing our things at speeds too quick for me to see.

"I fixed the jeep, we need to go, NOW!" We knew better than to question her by now, three weeks of running from an enraged Carlisle did that to you. Edward grabbed me around the middle and the next thing I knew I was being thrown into the back-seat. I felt the harnesses being thrown around me as Rose floored it out of there. We were safe, for now.

--

I smiled as I watched my children pull out of the station at highly illegal speeds. I lay back chuckling to myself as they turned a corner and flew out of sight. Let them run, I wouldn't be far behind. I turned the Mercedes on and circled around again as I made my down the newly violated road. They could run, yes, but they couldn't hide.

--

I growled as I watched the video of my children vandalizing our room. It wasn't bad enough that they destroyed my kitchen but they had to trash my room, that was too much. I snarled as Emmett appeared on the screen.

_"Wow, who would have thought Carlisle was such a freak." Emmett was staring at the fuzzy handcuffs as he held them between his thumb and forefinger. "I feel dirty now." He dropped the handcuffs and walked out of the room._

_"I'm with Emmett on this, lets get out of here." Alice quickly followed Emmett from the room, she seemed rather shaken up about her parents 'active' lifestyle. Bella was a deep red color and looked like she wished the ground would swallow her whole._

_When she saw the others leaving she jumped up from her spot on a chair and tripped after them. Edward, thoroughly mortified, just shook his head and followed without a word. Jasper had fled with Rosalie after the lube came out._

I huffed and began my cleaning again, if my children didn't want to know my secret life they should stay out of my room. I needed some payback for that stripper pole though.


	4. Rosalie

AN: Sorry it took so long guys. Breaking Dawn destroyed my soul... Still has, and I just couldn't bring myself to wright anything. I've tried again sorry if it isn't as good as the others.

-----------------------------------------

1. Insult her beauty.

2. Tell her how un-masculine you find Emmett to be.

3. Make fun of her 'blond' moments.

4. Use her 'Car and Driver' magazines to make your school project.

5. Tell her the real reason Edward didn't choose her.

6. Tell her about Mike's secret crush.

7. Blackmail her.

8. Put blue hair dye in her shampoo.

9. Stink bomb her closet.

10. Put a mob hit on her.

11. Play keep away with her mascara.

12. Call her 'You Highness' after every sentence.

13. Tell her she's in serious need of some beauty sleep.

14. Scratch her car.

15. Tell her your going with a different mechanic.

16. Interrupt her and Emmett's 'happy hour.'

17. Call her a Barbie wannabe.

18. Compare her looks to Bella's.

19. Keep a score chart.

20. Tell her she smells bad.

21. Enter her in a 'Yo Momma' contest.

22. Limit her diet to the smaller more 'dietary' animals.

23. Ask her if she ever stops PMSign.

24. Ask her if she failed the dumb test.

25. Wonder out loud how she made it through collage.

26. Have her degrees tested for forgery.

27. Break all her mirrors.

28. Fill her car with melted cheese.

29. Ask her what her comfort foods are and tell her ice-cream is so much better.

30. Throw a huge party and have everybody look offended when she shows up.

31. Check her invitation for forgery.

32. Rub werewolf sent on all her favorite clothes.

33. Make Bella sleep in her room.

34. Steal Emmett from her.

35. Cover her and her room in rotten paintballs.

36. Wolf whistle.

37. At Bella.

38. Tell her convertibles are going out of style.

39. Dye all her clothes orange.

40. Cover her room in squirrels.

41. Tie her down and make her watch 'Mean Girls.

42. Call her a psycho bitch.

43. Get her a manners teacher.

44. Pay no attention to her.

45. Giver coal at Christmas.

46. One word, Sharpie.

47. Bring out the old sixties picture album.

48. Pour glitter on her and call her Tinkerbell for the rest of the day.

49. Tell her she should try the Goth look. Dye her clothes black and red then rip them.

50. Sign her up for the Chess club.

51. Tell her she's fat (From: .girl.1901)

She stood in the doorway dripping and reeking. Lightning flashed in the background and somewhere a baby cried. Her torn 'Goth' clothes hung off her in waves of terror. The snarls that ripped through her clenched teeth made the hair on the back of my neck rise. Edward was slowly inching towards the door while Jasper eyed the stairway. Another snarl stopped them in their tracks.

"So, you thought that was funny did you? DID YOU!?" Her eyes went wild and she started to laugh maniacally. Her Sharpied face caught the light of a lamp and the comical mustache suddenly looked much more sinister. I wondered if I should tell Edward how much I loved him, this might be my last chance.

She slowly started advancing into the room. Her fingers curled into claws, and her teeth were set in a grimace of pure hate. Her eyes darted from face to face searching for her fist victim before settling on Alice, still hidden under the table.  
Her grim grin widened for a split second before her teeth parted in a shriek that burst the glass coffee table.

We all ran for it. Alice could fend for herself. we needed to flee the country _NOW_. I felt Edward cold hand lift me off the ground into the Volvo then we were off. I didn't care one bit about the speed limit I just was just glad we were still alive. Maybe we had gone a little too far this time.


End file.
